3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.
5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:3-5
If God has given us children, then we must realize that He has given us a great blessing. In the above passage alone, we are told that children are a gift, a reward, and a source of strength and happiness.
Children are a great blessing, but with great blessings comes great responsibilities. It has been said that children are like lumps of clay to be molded. Taking that lump of clay and molding it into a godly young man or woman is the task that God has given parents. This responsibility does not belong to the grandparents, extended family, friends, teachers, elders, preacher, etc. While these individuals can be expected to provide a good influence upon children, God has singled out fathers and mothers and given them instructions concerning their responsibilities towards the “heritage” that they have received “from the Lord.”
Provide For Them
Jesus taught that we are not to worry about our daily necessities because our heavenly Father knows what we need (Matthew 6:31-32). Earthly fathers need to follow this example and be providers for their children.
God expects fathers to provide for the material needs of their children. “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). As keepers of the home (Titus 2:4-5), mothers are to provide a home environment that children need; a place of comfort, love, and stability in which they can learn and grow.
Fathers are also to provide for the spiritual needs of their children. Under the Law of Moses, God commanded fathers…
6 And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.
7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.
9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9
Paul instructed fathers, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Children need spiritual training early and often in life. This responsibility does not belong to the church. The Bible classes offered at the local church should serve to reinforce the training the children are already receiving at home.
In the absence of a believing father, the mother will need to take on this responsibility herself. While it may be difficult, the Scriptures indicate that it can successfully be done (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:15).
Finally, parents must provide for the emotional needs of their children. Mothers are told to “love their children” (Titus 2:4). Surprisingly, this is not translated from the well known work agape, but from the word philoteknos which means to love one’s offspring or to be maternal. Children need lots of love. They need to know that they are important. If children cannot find this from their parents, they will seek it out from other sources, which often results in heartache for both the parents and the child.
Teach Them
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). This passage is a general truth. There is a right way and a wrong way for a child to go. As we noted at the beginning of this article, the Bible refers to children as arrows (Psalm 127:4). Parents are responsible for aiming those arrows in the right direction.
This responsibility becomes even more urgent when parents consider what they are up against. The devil is restless in his attempts to take men away from the truth. He does not fight fair, and our children are not off limits to his efforts.
Young people today are distracted from the paths of righteousness on many fronts. Whether it be the sinfulness that is popularized through entertainment, secular humanism that is taught in schools, a subjective (“whatever – I don’t care”) attitude learned from our society, or possibly a tolerant attitude that is exhibited by our own brethren (participation in dances, social drinking, etc.), parents need to be aware of these dangers and meet them head-on.
As we learned from Deuteronomy 6:6-7, we must be diligent in our efforts to teach our children the word of God. We must teach them right from wrong, and that the Bible is the source of determining what is right and wrong. We must teach them the proper priorities in life, common sense, good manners, how to love their neighbor, etc.
One of the most important things that we must teach our children is respect. While they are still young children, they must learn to respect their parents (Ephesians 6:1-2), those who are older (1 Timothy 5:1-2), those in positions of authority (Titus 3:1), and especially respect for God (Ecclesiastes 12:13).
Set A Good Example For Them
This teaching must be reinforced by a good example. Children imitate what they see. It is no mistake that we are a lot like our parents, we learned by watching them. Our children will do the same.
Our children will be watching how we act in public. They will learn how to interact socially by watching the way that we talk and act around others. Godly behavior must be consistent inside the home as well as outside of the home. How much of a difference do your children see between “at home” parents and “out in public” parents?
Children need to see their father loving and cherishing their mother, and their mother loving and honoring their father. They need to see their father and mother reading their Bible, getting their Bible lessons ready, praying, extending hospitality to others, visiting shut-ins, and making trips to visit the sick. All of these examples will give them the foundation and cues that they need to develop a life of service unto Christ and others.
Children need to see that the Lord’s church is important to their parents. Habitual tardiness and sporadic attendance tells your children that the church is not important. If we allow other events to come before assembling with the saints, our children will learn that family get-togethers, sporting events, studying for exams, club meetings, vacations, hunting trips, shopping trips, etc., are more important than the things that happen when the saints assemble. While there may be exceptions, the general rule is that sporadic attendance on the part of the parents will result in no attendance on the part of their grown children. What does it profit if your children are the best athletes, voted club president, graduate at the top of their class and receive full-ride scholarships, etc., and lose their soul for eternity (Matthew 16:26)?
Discipline Them
There comes a time in the life of every child when discipline becomes necessary. Children will test the boundaries that are set by their parents, but they cannot be allowed to pass these tests. Children have to be taught what “no” means and that there are consequences to inappropriate and rebellious behavior.
Solomon wrote, “Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction” (Proverbs 19:18). The time for clay to be molded is when it is soft. The shape cannot be changed once it had hardened. There is a time when our children need to be restrained and disciplined. If we wait until they are “older,” it will be too late for discipline to do any good. Consider the example of Eli and his sons.
22 Now Eli was very old; and he heard everything his sons did to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who assembled at the door of the tabernacle of meeting.
23 So he said to them, “Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all the people.
24 No, my sons! For it is not a good report that I hear. You make the Lord’s people transgress.
25 If one man sins against another, God will judge him. But if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?” Nevertheless they did not heed the voice of their father, because the LORD desired to kill them.
1 Samuel 2:22-25
Eli’s sons were worthless and stood to receive God’s wrath, but God was holding Eli responsible because he did not discipline them when he had the opportunity.
12 In that day I will perform against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end.
13 For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them.
14 And therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever.
1 Samuel 3:12-14, emphasis mine, HR
All children are different, thus different forms of discipline will be more effective with different children (spanking, time-out, grounding, etc). Regardless of the form that discipline takes, it needs to be administered promptly, consistently, and in love. “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs 13:24).
Conclusion
Parenting can provide the greatest blessings that life has to offer: “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul” (Proverbs 29:17). However, it also has the potential for the most bitter of failures: “A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him” (Proverbs 17:25). We understand that children are free-moral agents and can rebel despite the best efforts that are put forth by the best of parents. However, parents cannot ignore the fact that they play an important role in the raising of their children.
