Solomon wrote, “Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers” (Proverbs 17:6). Most young people look forward to a day when they have a child of their own. Thoughts of children in the home are exciting and joyous. David wrote, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them” (Psalms 127:4-5 / NKJVB). The happiness of having a child is difficult to put in words. The excitement of watching the child grow and develop various abilities is fascinating. Christians must always remember; however, that there are great responsibilities that come with having children.
Some parents do very well at raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Other parents do not do so well. Parents that fail in this regard often do so because they are selfish with their time. Time spent in hobbies and other events prior to marriage and children now must be shared. Rearing children takes time in addition to love, patience, care, and correction. That means much of the time that was spent on self is now directed at another.
Some parents have a difficult time coping with such selflessness. The temptation to go back to the fun of single carefree dating days unfortunately grips the minds of the spiritually unsettled. Some go as far as ending their marriage to pursue the dreams of a twenty year old. It is high time that parents open their eyes and acknowledge that you are not 20 years old and neither do you share the responsibilities that a 20 year old single person does. You were blessed with that time and now you are blessed with another time. This article shall examine the parent and child’s responsibilities toward each other in the home as revealed in the book of Proverbs. We shall conclude the discussion with the consequences that come with obedience and rebellion.
Proverbs on Parental Responsibility in the Home
Solomon writes, “Train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6 / ASVB hereafter). The command to “train up a child” spells responsibility. The responsibility of raising children falls squarely upon the shoulders of parents. Time and a great deal of energy will be used for many years to train a child. There is a great principle delivered in 2 Corinthians 9:6 that applies here. The apostle Paul wrote, “He that sows sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he that sows bountifully shall reap also bountifully.” The lazy or disinterested farmer who does not work very hard at planting time will not see much at the time of harvest. The energetic, enthusiastic, and hard working farmer that plants much will, at time of harvest, reap much. Who do you suppose will have greater success, the athlete who trains hard or the apathetic athlete who does not view the sporting event with a degree of seriousness? Likewise, the disinterested parent who does not “train” a child will not see good results. The energetic, enthusiastic, and hard working parent who “trains” their child in the ways of wisdom will see results.
Love in the Home
The book of Proverbs reveals three areas of responsibility that parents are to meet. First there is love. Secondly, the parent is to teach children in the ways of the Lord. Lastly, parents are to discipline or correct their children. Solomon gives advise to parents in the area of love by looking to his own childhood and how he was treated with a since of loving tenderness (see Proverbs 4:1-3). Imagine a home where tenderness and affectionate love does not exist? Unfortunately, many homes are filled with bitterness, anger, harsh, and cruel treatment of each other. Children in this environment have greater potential to grow up as attention starved bullies. God intends for the home to be a loving and caring atmosphere (see Proverbs 15:17).
Teach your Children
Secondly, the parent is responsible for teaching their children. Solomon delivers seven critical things that a parent ought to teach their children at Proverbs 23:15-25). First, a parent ought to teach their children not to envy sinners (Proverbs 23:17). While it may seem like the world of sinners are having fun their unlawful activities are leading them toward a horrid eternal existence in hell (see 1 Corinthians 15:31-33).
Secondly, teach your children to fear God (Proverbs 23:17b). Solomon identifies the fear of Jehovah as departing from evil (Proverbs 3:7), hating evil, pride, arrogance, a perverse mouth, and evil ways (Proverbs 8:13).
Thirdly, a parent ought to teach their children to “guide thy heart in the way” (Proverbs 23:19). Nurturing of the heart is of utmost importance. Solomon writes, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23). While the parent may do all that they can do to instill interest, knowledge, understanding, conviction, and obedience in their children it is ultimately up to the child themselves to put the principles they learn to practice.
Fourthly, a parent is to instruct their children to stay away from alcohol and those who partake of it (Proverbs 23:20-21; see also 23:31-32). Alcohol and drugs will drag an individual down. It is more often than not that a perverse beer drinker will bring your child down rather than your child bringing that person up. Why would one want to put themselves in the company of drinking and drugs?
Fifthly, teach your children to honor and respect their father and mother (Proverbs 23:22). Children that are not taught to honor and respect their parents will not honor and respect others in positions of authority. The greatest problems within the church today revolve around this issue (see 2 Peter 2:10; Jude 1:8).
Sixthly, a child is to be taught to “buy the truth and sell it not” (Proverbs 23:23). To succeed in this area is to attain victory as a parent. A child who does not see the value in wisdom and truth is a child destined for heartaches now and forevermore. The wise king Solomon saw that wisdom is “the principle thing in one’s life” (Proverbs 4:7-9). Wisdom is so important that it should define what the child’s life is (see Proverbs 4:13). A child who sees the true value of wisdom will give all diligence to obtain her (see Proverbs 8:18-19). Solomon writes, “How much better is it to get wisdom that gold! Yea, to get understanding is rather to be chosen than silver” (Proverbs 16:16). Imagine a young man or woman today willing to spend more time studying God’s word and praying than playing a video game, texting on a cell phone, playing a baseball game, or watching a favorite television program. More often than not it is the phone, game or television that grabs the majority of their time and interest. Wisdom is important, valuable, and it is also an acquired disposition that will add years to one’s life (see Proverbs 10:27-30). Proverbs gives us the secret to succeeding in having others come to faith and conviction. The secret is instilling in others the value of wisdom and spirituality. When people see the true value of wisdom they too will share your faith, conviction, zeal, and intense interest in the things of God.
Lastly, parents are to teach their children to “let thy father and thy mother be glad, and let her that bare thee rejoice” (Proverbs 23:24-25). Children ought to want their parents to be happy and filled with joy. It is the rebellious child that brings sorrow and grief to the family. The child who gives heed to the above principles will bring joy and happiness to the home. The rebellious, alcohol drinker, drug abuser, and disrespectful will bring unrest and sadness to a home.
Discipline and correction
Parents also have the responsibility to administer timely discipline and correction to children. Consider the fact that discipline and correction equates to love. Solomon writes, “He that spares his rod hates his son; but he that loves him chastens him diligently” (Proverbs 13:24). Again, Solomon writes, “The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself causes shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15). Note that love and wisdom are directly associated with discipline and correction. Seeing that wisdom is the principle thing in life it stands to reason that the parent must meet the responsibility of discipline. To fail in this area is to ruin a child.
Imagine a world in which there were no consequences for wrong doing. Such a place would be without a government to exercise civil order. The society would be a free for all. People would not think twice above doing evil because there are no consequences to their actions. A parent that does not discipline their child ruins that person’s hope of gaining wisdom. One of the worst thing a parent can do to their child is to recognize a wrong and either say nothing about it or nag, harp, gripe, scream, and get angry at the child. Such actions on the part of the parent will only exasperate the child (see Ephesians 6:4). The child needs to be showed that the action or word was wrong, punished, and then instructed in the ways of righteousness (see Proverbs 13:24; 15:22). When the child’s error is corrected wisdom will result (Proverbs 10:17). Shameful behavior in a child is never to be tolerated but rather identified and punished (see Proverbs 19:25; 29:17). Solomon writes, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15). When the foolishness and shame is removed the child has hope (see Proverbs 19:18; 23:13-14).
Proverbs on Children’s Responsibility in the Home
The apostle Paul quotes from the ten commandments at Ephesians 6:1-2 when he said that children are to honor, respect, and display reverence to their parents. Solomon establishes this Bible principle in the book of Proverbs. Children who are disrespectful and rebellious against their parents will not go unpunished. Solomon writes, “The eye that mocks at his father, And despises to obey his mother, The ravens of the valley shall pick it out, And the young eagles shall eat it” (Proverbs 30:17). Children today need to understand that disrespect and rebellion is sinful (see 2 Timothy 3:1-2). To roll your eyes at your parents as they try to instruct you is sinful. To sigh aloud as you are told do reasonable chores is sinful. To argue with parents when they tell you to do or not do something is sinful. God’s great wrath will be unleashed upon the wicked young men and women who are disrespectful to their parents.
Children have the responsibility to listen and learn from their parents. The child that is willing to listen and give honor to his parents will gain much from this life and the life to come. Young person, develop a willing heart to receive instruction now before the days of your life pass you and you be found a bitter and rebellious individual (see Proverbs 1:8-9). Solomon writes, “He that refuses correction despises his own soul; but he that listens to reproof gets understanding” (Proverbs 15:32). If only children would seriously look to the consequences of their actions now before they make grave mistakes in life they would save themselves many heartaches (see Proverbs 15:11). Again, Solomon writes, “Whoso despises the word brings destruction on himself; but he that fears the commandment shall be rewarded” (Proverbs 13:13). While the parent has the responsibility to teach the child about the consequences of wrong doing the child likewise has the responsibility to draw these same conclusions.
Another responsibility that Proverbs places upon children is the choice of one’s friends. The most influential people in children’s lives are their friends. Children who choose wicked friends will more likely try to be like their wicked friend rather than their wicked friend being like them (see Proverbs 28:7; 29:3). The apostle Paul writes, “Be not deceived: Evil companionships corrupt good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Remember, every word you speak and action you perform truly defines you for what you are (see Proverbs 20:11). It is one thing to say that you love and honor your parents and another thing to actually do this. Choose good friends and you will be good and bring happiness to the home.
Happiness in the Home is Contingent upon Obedience
Happiness in the home occurs when the father, mother, and children all know and keep their respective God ordained roles. The husband and father who exercises tender love toward his wife, the wife and mother who exercises humble submission to her husband, parents who conduct themselves tenderly and lovingly toward children, and the child who gives honor and respect to both parents makes for a happy home. Solomon writes, “A wise son makes a glad father; but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother” (Proverbs 10:1).
Imagine a home where the husband and wife are not getting along and the children are rebellious. Solomon tells us that there is not much happiness in such an environment. The wise king writes, “A foolish son is the calamity of his father; and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping” (Proverbs 19:13). A man that does not have control of his home is a man with troubles (see Ephesians 5:22-25). Again, Solomon writes, “He that doeth violence to his father, and chases away his mother, Is a son that causes shame and brings reproach. Cease, my son, to hear instruction only to err from the words of knowledge” (Proverbs 19:26-27). Shame and reproach define the home where rebellion occurs. The Godly home with a rebellious son may experience a violent reaction on the part of the rebellious. Said children do not want to be told what to do and they grow weary of living under the same roof as their parents who set rules to follow. When a child lashes out at their parents they bring sorrow, shame, reproach, and grief to the whole family (see Proverbs 1:8; 4:13; 6:20; 10:1, 8, 17; 12:15; 13:24; 17:21). A child who is disrespectful to the parents instructions, chooses thugs, drug addicts, alcoholics, and the perverse of mouth as friends, and rejects discipline and reproof is a source of great heart ache in the home.
Conclusion:
Parenting is not an easy task. Being a parent involves great joy but there will also be times of great sorrow. Our objective, as parents, is to teach our children the value of wisdom, good friends, honor, and to correct them when needed. Achieving these principles will provide a home that is happy and one that all may speak of in the present or past with fondness. Above all, God will be pleased with both parents and child. Heaven will ultimately be achieved.
